"Before this degree, I used to hit deadlines. It was exhausting. Now, I simply schedule 'alignment meetings' to discuss the 'pre-planning phase' until the fiscal year ends and the project is cancelled. I've been promoted twice since graduation."

"My wife used to ask me to cook dinner every Friday. After applying the advanced 'High-Heat/No-Oil' technique from the Institute, the smoke alarm now serves as my dinner bell. She hasn't let me touch the stove in eight months. Pure freedom."

"The 'Frozen Screen Face' module changed my life. Whenever a difficult question comes up on Zoom, I just hold a static pose and mouth words silently until they move on to someone else. This certificate paid for itself in one week."

"I now charge $300 an hour to say absolutely nothing. The Institute taught me that you don't need answers; you just need to say, 'Let's take this offline' with a frown, and people think you're deep."

"Thanks to the Ph.D. in Meeting Disruption, I haven't been assigned a singular actionable task in three years. I just ask about the font size on the slide deck until everyone gives up."

"My husband used to ask me to help with the dishes. After I framed my Certificate in Weaponized Incompetence above the sink, he knows better. Best $9.99 I ever spent."