Certificate Catalog

Explore our comprehensive selection of degrees and specializations for mastering the art of Strategic Incompetence.

Bachelor of Strategic Incompetence (BSI)

Price: $9.99

The Domestic Sciences

A comprehensive study of household chaos and domestic disorder

Specializations:
  • Applied Dishwasher Tetris - Maximizing water blockage and breakage risk
  • Bed Sheet Corner Geometry - Why the fitted sheet never fits
  • Chromatics of Laundry - The art of mixing reds with whites
  • Grocery List Amusia - Buying the most expensive brand of the wrong item
  • Meeting Disruption - Expert in derailing productive meetings
  • Plant Watering Amnesia - The cycle of drowning plants and then drying them out completely
  • Remote Control Camouflage - Placing the remote in the one spot no one will look
  • Strategic Bin Compression - Pushing trash down to avoid changing the bag
  • Thermostat Mismanagement - Oscillating between Arctic and Saharan settings
  • Toilet Roll Replacement Avoidance - Theoretical physics of the "empty cardboard tube."
  • Woolen Shrinkage Dynamics - Turning adult sweaters into doll clothes

Culinary Arts & Hospitality

Mastering the art of inedible cuisine and hostile service

Specializations:
  • Advanced Toast Scraping - Salvaging the inedible
  • Cross-Contamination Logistics - Storing raw chicken on top of the salad
  • Expiration Date Skepticism - The study of consuming food "just past" the safe window
  • Hydro-Carbonization Studies - The science of burning water
  • Ice Tray Emptying - Leaving one cube so you don't have to refill it
  • Microwave Metalworking - Introduction to foil sparks
  • Smoke Alarm Acoustics - Using the detector as a kitchen timer
  • The Gluten Paradox - "Forgetting" dietary restrictions at critical moments
  • Tupperware Mismatching - Ensuring no container ever finds its corresponding lid
  • Utensil Destruction - Teflon scratching and knife dulling techniques

Customer Service Excellence

The science of disappointing customers systematically

Specializations:
  • Email Confusion - Specialist in unclear communication
  • Reply-All Catastrophes - Appropriate usage of unnecessary CCing
  • Ticket Closure Velocity - Closing support tickets without actually resolving the issue
  • Zoom Mute Proficiency - Talking while muted / Unmuting while eating

Maintenance & DIY

For the handy-person who wants to be un-handy

Specializations:
  • IKEA Instruction misinterpreted - Building shelves backwards
  • Paint Drip Aesthetics - Ignoring the existence of painter's tape and drop cloths
  • Righty-Loosey Dynamics - Consistently turning wrenches the wrong way to strip bolts
  • Spare Part Accumulation - The collection of "extra" screws left over after reassembly
  • Structural Integrity Compromise - "Fixing" it until it breaks completely

Master of Strategic Incompetence (MSI)

Price: $14.99

Business Administration

Advanced techniques in corporate dysfunction

Specializations:
  • Process Complication - Adding steps until nothing gets done
  • Project Sabotage - Advanced techniques in project derailment
  • Scope Creep Facilitation - Expanding projects beyond all recognition

Project Management

Strategic methods for guaranteed failure

Specializations:
  • Budget Overrun - Expert in exceeding financial limits
  • Milestone Miss-management - Celebrating the completion of tasks that weren't on the list

Financial Management

Mismanaging budgets with confidence and flair

Specializations:
  • Expense Report Inflation - Creative writing applied to reimbursement requests
  • Receipt Vaporization - The phenomenon of losing tax-deductible receipts immediately upon receipt

Human Resources Management

The science of mismanaging people with confidence

Specializations:
  • Deadline Extension Methodology - The art of "just one more day" in perpetuity
  • Meeting Multiplication Theory - Creating meetings about meetings about meetings
  • Policy Contradiction Studies - Creating rules that conflict with other rules
  • Team Dysfunction - Creating chaos in team dynamics

Information Technology

Advanced methods in technological dysfunction

Specializations:
  • Password Reset Recursion - The endless loop of forgotten credentials
  • Update Deployment Catastrophics - Pushing to production on Friday afternoon

Doctor of Philosophy in Strategic Incompetence (PhD.SI)

Price: $19.99

Organizational Leadership

Doctoral study of systematic organizational collapse

Specializations:
  • Blame Delegation - The executive skill of finding a scapegoat before the project even fails
  • Circular Reference Architecture - Building systems that reference themselves infinitely
  • Organizational Chaos - Doctoral research in systemic dysfunction
  • Silo Reinforcement Dynamics - Keeping departments perfectly isolated
  • Tactical Helplessness - The psychology of "You just do it better than me."
  • The Dunning-Kruger Application - Confidently doing it wrong
  • Visionary Vagueness - crafting mission statements that sound profound but mean nothing

Strategic Planning

Advanced research in guaranteed failure methodologies

Specializations:
  • Cognitive Dissonance in Task Acceptance - Agreeing to help while ensuring failure
  • Goalpost Moving Mechanics - Changing success metrics the moment they are about to be met
  • Recursive Delegation - Passing the buck until it returns to the sender
  • Strategic Failure - Advanced study of guaranteed failure methods
  • SWOT Analysis Paralysis - Spending so long analyzing threats that you become one
  • The Dunning-Kruger Application - Confidently doing it wrong

Innovation Management

The art of preventing any meaningful progress

Specializations:
  • Innovation Prevention - Blocking progress at the highest level
  • Weaponized Forgetfulness - A study in selective memory retention

Theoretical Incompetence

Pure academic study of failure as a discipline

Specializations:
  • Complexity Amplification Theory - Making simple things impossibly complicated
  • Entropy in Human Systems - The natural tendency toward disorder
  • General Relativity of Time-Wasting - How 5 minutes of work feels like an hour, and an hour of scrolling feels like 5 minutes
  • Quantum Uncertainty of Competence - The state of being both capable and incapable until asked to work
  • The Pareto Principle of Failure - 80% of problems from 20% of bad decisions
  • The Physics of Dropped Objects - Why toast always lands butter-side down

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