Certificate Catalog

Explore our comprehensive selection of degrees and specializations for mastering the art of Strategic Incompetence.

Bachelor of Strategic Incompetence (BSI)

Price: $9,99

The Domestic Sciences

A comprehensive study of household chaos and domestic disorder

Specializations:
  • Applied Dishwasher Tetris
    Maximizing water blockage and breakage risk
    Select
  • Bed Sheet Corner Geometry
    Why the fitted sheet never fits
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  • Chromatics of Laundry
    The art of mixing reds with whites
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  • Grocery List Amusia
    Buying the most expensive brand of the wrong item
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  • Meeting Disruption
    Expert in derailing productive meetings
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  • Plant Watering Amnesia
    The cycle of drowning plants and then drying them out completely
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  • Remote Control Camouflage
    Placing the remote in the one spot no one will look
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  • Strategic Bin Compression
    Pushing trash down to avoid changing the bag
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  • Thermostat Mismanagement
    Oscillating between Arctic and Saharan settings
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  • Toilet Roll Replacement Avoidance
    Theoretical physics of the "empty cardboard tube."
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  • Woolen Shrinkage Dynamics
    Turning adult sweaters into doll clothes
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Culinary Arts & Hospitality

Mastering the art of inedible cuisine and hostile service

Specializations:
  • Advanced Toast Scraping
    Salvaging the inedible
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  • Cross-Contamination Logistics
    Storing raw chicken on top of the salad
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  • Expiration Date Skepticism
    The study of consuming food "just past" the safe window
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  • Hydro-Carbonization Studies
    The science of burning water
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  • Ice Tray Emptying
    Leaving one cube so you don't have to refill it
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  • Microwave Metalworking
    Introduction to foil sparks
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  • Smoke Alarm Acoustics
    Using the detector as a kitchen timer
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  • The Gluten Paradox
    "Forgetting" dietary restrictions at critical moments
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  • Tupperware Mismatching
    Ensuring no container ever finds its corresponding lid
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  • Utensil Destruction
    Teflon scratching and knife dulling techniques
    Select

Customer Service Excellence

The science of disappointing customers systematically

Specializations:
  • Email Confusion
    Specialist in unclear communication
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  • Reply-All Catastrophes
    Appropriate usage of unnecessary CCing
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  • Ticket Closure Velocity
    Closing support tickets without actually resolving the issue
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  • Zoom Mute Proficiency
    Talking while muted / Unmuting while eating
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Maintenance & DIY

For the handy-person who wants to be un-handy

Specializations:
  • IKEA Instruction misinterpreted
    Building shelves backwards
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  • Paint Drip Aesthetics
    Ignoring the existence of painter's tape and drop cloths
    Select
  • Righty-Loosey Dynamics
    Consistently turning wrenches the wrong way to strip bolts
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  • Spare Part Accumulation
    The collection of "extra" screws left over after reassembly
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  • Structural Integrity Compromise
    "Fixing" it until it breaks completely
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Master of Strategic Incompetence (MSI)

Price: $12,99

Business Administration

Advanced techniques in corporate dysfunction

Specializations:
  • Process Complication
    Adding steps until nothing gets done
    Select
  • Project Sabotage
    Advanced techniques in project derailment
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  • Scope Creep Facilitation
    Expanding projects beyond all recognition
    Select

Project Management

Strategic methods for guaranteed failure

Specializations:
  • Budget Overrun
    Expert in exceeding financial limits
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  • Milestone Miss-management
    Celebrating the completion of tasks that weren't on the list
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Financial Management

Mismanaging budgets with confidence and flair

Specializations:
  • Expense Report Inflation
    Creative writing applied to reimbursement requests
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  • Receipt Vaporization
    The phenomenon of losing tax-deductible receipts immediately upon receipt
    Select

Human Resources Management

The science of mismanaging people with confidence

Specializations:
  • Deadline Extension Methodology
    The art of "just one more day" in perpetuity
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  • Meeting Multiplication Theory
    Creating meetings about meetings about meetings
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  • Policy Contradiction Studies
    Creating rules that conflict with other rules
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  • Team Dysfunction
    Creating chaos in team dynamics
    Select

Information Technology

Advanced methods in technological dysfunction

Specializations:
  • Password Reset Recursion
    The endless loop of forgotten credentials
    Select
  • Update Deployment Catastrophics
    Pushing to production on Friday afternoon
    Select

Doctor of Philosophy in Strategic Incompetence (PhD.SI)

Price: $13,99

Organizational Leadership

Doctoral study of systematic organizational collapse

Specializations:
  • Blame Delegation
    The executive skill of finding a scapegoat before the project even fails
    Select
  • Circular Reference Architecture
    Building systems that reference themselves infinitely
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  • Organizational Chaos
    Doctoral research in systemic dysfunction
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  • Silo Reinforcement Dynamics
    Keeping departments perfectly isolated
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  • Tactical Helplessness
    The psychology of "You just do it better than me."
    Select
  • The Dunning-Kruger Application
    Confidently doing it wrong
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  • Visionary Vagueness
    crafting mission statements that sound profound but mean nothing
    Select

Strategic Planning

Advanced research in guaranteed failure methodologies

Specializations:
  • Cognitive Dissonance in Task Acceptance
    Agreeing to help while ensuring failure
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  • Goalpost Moving Mechanics
    Changing success metrics the moment they are about to be met
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  • Recursive Delegation
    Passing the buck until it returns to the sender
    Select
  • Strategic Failure
    Advanced study of guaranteed failure methods
    Select
  • SWOT Analysis Paralysis
    Spending so long analyzing threats that you become one
    Select
  • The Dunning-Kruger Application
    Confidently doing it wrong
    Select

Innovation Management

The art of preventing any meaningful progress

Specializations:
  • Innovation Prevention
    Blocking progress at the highest level
    Select
  • Weaponized Forgetfulness
    A study in selective memory retention
    Select

Theoretical Incompetence

Pure academic study of failure as a discipline

Specializations:
  • Complexity Amplification Theory
    Making simple things impossibly complicated
    Select
  • Entropy in Human Systems
    The natural tendency toward disorder
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  • General Relativity of Time-Wasting
    How 5 minutes of work feels like an hour, and an hour of scrolling feels like 5 minutes
    Select
  • Quantum Uncertainty of Competence
    The state of being both capable and incapable until asked to work
    Select
  • The Pareto Principle of Failure
    80% of problems from 20% of bad decisions
    Select
  • The Physics of Dropped Objects
    Why toast always lands butter-side down
    Select

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