Few fields of study are as widely practiced and as rarely acknowledged as Advanced Toast Scraping. Our undergraduate programme finally gives formal recognition to salvaging the inedible — a body of expertise that candidates typically develop years before enrolling, often without noticing.

Assessment follows our patented honour system, in which we assume the worst and are rarely disappointed. No attendance is required; indeed, non-attendance is looked upon favourably and may qualify the candidate for honours.

The certificate arrives instantly as a personalized PDF bearing the recipient's name, our unreasonably official seal, and a QR code that resolves to a genuine verification page. It is, we are told, the most rigorous documentation ever attached to this little effort.