The Institute's celebrated undergraduate programme in Chromatics Of Laundry exists because the world demanded it — loudly, repeatedly, and usually from the next room. Formally described as the art of mixing reds with whites, this discipline has been practiced informally in households and open-plan offices for generations. We merely had the courage to accredit it.

Coursework includes zero lectures, no examinations, and an optional thesis that will remain optional forever. Graduates are assessed on a lifetime portfolio of genuine incompetence — which, in our experience, the recipient has already submitted without knowing it.

The certificate arrives instantly as a personalized PDF bearing the recipient's name, our unreasonably official seal, and a QR code that resolves to a genuine verification page. It is, we are told, the most rigorous documentation ever attached to this little effort.