Few fields of study are as widely practiced and as rarely acknowledged as Tactical Helplessness. Our doctoral programme finally gives formal recognition to the psychology of "You just do it better than me." — a body of expertise that candidates typically develop years before enrolling, often without noticing.

The curriculum is entirely retrospective: by the time a certificate is ordered, the candidate has completed all requirements through years of unsupervised fieldwork. Our admissions board has never rejected an applicant, chiefly because it has never convened.

The certificate arrives instantly as a personalized PDF bearing the recipient's name, our unreasonably official seal, and a QR code that resolves to a genuine verification page. It is, we are told, the most rigorous documentation ever attached to this little effort.